Sitting in the backseat of my new Rolls Royce, I look out the window and put pen on paper in awe. So much has changed since the last time I moved through these streets and saw these people. The roads are neatly layered with pitch black interlocking blocks – not one crack in sight. The policemen smile and wave at everybody and I catch a glimpse of the signboard that reads, “Fifteen years since the last crime.” Education is now 100% free and citizens who cannot afford proper meals, walk up to the nearest federal restaurant near them to get one or two bites of cake and sips of milk. I hear the government is now fair and just. You could start your business and grow in months because they’ve got your back as long as you were theirs. Even the Naira is now stronger than the dollar – $50 = N1. Our president is thirty-two, and none of the other leaders is a day over forty.
“The last time there was a black-out, was never” said the 18 year old boy I walked up to in the middle of his baseball game. Timothy lived with his mum and dad in Agege with their dog Sire, and his sister Adesuwa. He says his area is quiet and people just “chilled at the mall.” I asked if he knew anything about internet fraudsters and he laughed. Showing me his bitcoin wallet, he says “What’s the sense in defrauding people online when you can just make cool cash for playing an online game.” Strolling past the buff military guy wearing my camo’ T-shirt, I knew something had definitely changed for Nigeria. Fuel price per litre was now the same cost as bottled water – which was for some odd reason cheaper than I left it.
The “New Nigeria App”, I was made to download at the airport, shows me that the average mortality rate is now at 150 years! How?! There are now over a hundred malls in Lagos alone so as to reduce the monopoly that led to high prices in time past; CBN employed a flat inflation rate of 1% just to say they did it, there are now more jobs than people, number of hospitals per town are in double digits, and public transportation is now completely handled by the government at zero cost to the masses. It is almost as if poverty has been completely eliminated from the Nigerian dictionary. Then I hear a loud horn, it was coming from…under my feet. We have underground routes now? That explains why there’s no traffic here in Apapa! I don’t get it?! What happened to the Nigeria I knew? Everything is neat and…perfect. There’s an actual system. Social media is just for meeting new friends, and news is actually more good news. I knew there was something wrong when I needed a visa to get into the country.
I’m in a Nigeria with no problems I can think of. What has changed? Can anybody please tell me what changed?!